Passage

I have been concentrating on getting a new home. The process is long and in depth. So much information is needed to prove yourself. Are you worthy? Most importantly, can you afford it? I purchased my apartment some new flowers. I have been filling up the space that I must move forward from with gratefulness and goodness before I go. I have been walking the neighborhood reigniting the memories of my boy and I riding our bikes, walking, running, and just being. This space protected me and my boy for 5 years, enclosing me with beautiful trees and vibes.

It rained today. I sat on the porch watching the rain clouds roll in big, puffy, and bold. The wind followed suit, carressing my skin, tickling me, and letting me know I feel beautiful. The leaves in the trees rustled, one leaf broke free and flicked me on the shoulder on its descent down.

I was reminded of earlier memories on the porch with Him. He was the one who brought me rain. He turned my eyes to the rain one of those moments we were on the porch, and it started to rain. He sniffed the air and said “your rain has no smell to it. Where I am from the rain has a nice smell to it.” He loves rain and he loves the smell of it too. Yes, I remember Him and his cigar, talking to me in a low deep voice about life and how us being together made sense. How we just clicked, how everything we have been through brought us to this. How I was the greatest love he knew to have ever exist. I remembered all of this. I smiled because it felt so good and everything led up to this moment, me again, my final day on this porch remembering Him.

Oh yeah, there was a kiss. It happened when I no longer could stand keeping my hands to myself. I stood up boldly ready to conquer him because I no longer wanted to conquer myself. I let go. You know what happened when I sat on his lap. I let go. There is not much more to tell.

I made sure I tucked in those sweet memories because there is no telling when I would have something sweet like that again. Those moments are stingy to me. Always coming and leaving me.

This space that I am leaving behind introduced me to crotchet, yoga, countless genres of books, music, and a Me hidden inside of me just waiting for me to unfurl it. I enjoyed this space so much, but I am ready for what the new space will introduce me to. What will I see? Who will I be? What will I achieve? Where will I go next?