Silence

“You talk too much”

I only needed to be told once and like a charm my lips sealed.

I turned my eyes to avoid knowing too much because it would urge me to talk too much.

These four words seeped into my dreams, a place where I should have been able to express myself freely.

In this dark private space, I was surrounded by people waiting for me to speak; however, my mouth was full and restricted with a substance, like cotton, absorbing saliva as well as my words. With my mouth filled with cotton, I turned away from the crowd bending over in a fury, my eyes watering with tears.

Using my hands, I would desperately feel around my mouth frantically pulling out strings and strings of cotton. I wanted badly to speak, so I continuously dug and pulled out cotton until I successfully cleared my mouth. A moment of relief was granted. I could have felt myself pause in triumph; however, as I prepared myself to speak, cotton reappeared into my mouth weighing me down in exasperation and defeat.

I’d wake up from the reoccurring dream upset and frustrated at the pure strength those words had over me; furthermore, angry at my lack of power to speak.

 I did not understand what I could have said wrong to render such judgement and bind my words.

With the power of spoken word taken from me, I drifted along obediently, fearing to dream and suffering in silence.

“Shhhhh be quiet”